Monday, April 18, 2011

Bunnies, Jesus, and Bloodthirsty Pagans Oh My?

Ask a Christian what Easter is. Go ahead. I bet you that most likely they will tell you something along the lines of: Easter is a holiday celebrating the resurrection of Jesus.
....oh and there's a bunny. And colored eggs too.

What?

Somewhere along the lines information just got skewed. So now we celebrate a zombie by painting eggs and watching a creepy guy in a giant bunny costume encourage children to eat chocolate.

It wants to eat your soul.

So where did it all come from? Why is there a bunny? What the hell is with the unnatural eggs? What does this have to do with Jesus? And why is it called Easter?

Lets start with cutting the crap.

The original date of Easter can be traced all the way back to pre-christian origins, in old Germany. Anglo-Saxon tribes would celebrate the vernal equinox (also known as the spring equinox, which this year, is only four days before Easter) by placing seeds on an altar and having feasts. This was to praise the goddess, Eostre.

"Woah woah woah" say my Christian friends, "I know this one."

Staying true to their roots, some modern Christians, determined to show how terrifying pre-christian religions are, know this tale about Eostre.
"
The bare-breasted goddess Eostre is fabled to have descended from a painted eggshell. She was the goddess of fertility. Her symbol, the rabbit.
She required the sacrifice of infants. The people who worshiped her killed babies and dunked white eggshells in their blood. This is where we get painting eggs from. So when you paint your little eggs, you're symbolizing slaying children."

...not quite. Lets break down some facts and some fiction.

All that we know about Eostre is from
Temporum Ratione or The Reckoning of Time by the Northumbrian monk and scholar the Venerable Bede (673-735). In it, all we find is that Eostre is the spring fertility goddess that was celebrated during this time of year (in fact the month was called "Eostremonat" or Eostre's month), and that feasts were held for her on the vernal equinox.

Thats it.
There's no descending from an eggshell, no rabbits, and certainly no killing of babies to dye eggs.

In fact there's no bunnies or eggs at all.

Unfortunately, there's as much anti-Eostre+bunnies and eggs as there is pro-Eostre+bunnies and eggs. So if you look up Eostre, most likely you'll get some cutesy tale about the rabbit being Eostre's familiar, and that her rabbits delivered eggs to the poor animals that couldn't reproduce. But that's not based in historical stories either.

So where did the bunnies and eggs come from?
Much like Eostre, everything celebrated in the spring represented fertility. People wanted lots of crops, lots of food, and lots of babies.

Just so they could grow up to be haunted by the Easter bunny. The plastic ones already have terror in their eyes.

So when thinking of something to symbolize such *ahem* productivity, the first symbol that came to mind was, you guessed it, the rabbit. Because well, the saying does go "breed like rabbits". So our first springtime symbol is the rabbit.

The egg is fairly similar. Eggs symbolized new life and fertility, not only for the Anglo-Saxons, but also for the Egyptians, Persians, and Romans.

So isn't there anything Christian about Easter origins?
Actually, yeah. Lets go back to the egg. In Medieval Europe, eggs were forbidden during lent.
Eggs laid during that time were either boiled or preserved. So once that was over, eggs became the main part of the meal. And of course Lent gets over on - Easter.

So to get things straight, in order to assimilate Pagans into the Christian faith and to be able to keep celebrating the holiday that they knew and loved, the took Eostre's name, changed it to Easter, kept the rabbits and eggs, and managed to also place it on the end of Pesach.

And now we understand.



Sunday, April 10, 2011

Oh my.

Proof that hell has already manifested itself on earth.

ITS A FREAKIN LIGHTNING FILLED TORNADO MADE OUT OF VOLCANIC ASH.

TERRIFYING.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Hitting the Cement Wall, AKA Writer's Block

After a mass hiatus, I've decided to actually write something. For the lack of angry posts: I apologize.
It's not that I am lacking angst. I have angst to spare. It tends to ricochet off of me and cause damage to my surroundings. However- I do have writer's block.
I've attempted to write on several topics, but they either turned out to be un-interesting or they did not turn out at all.
Writer's block is aggravating. It's a nice cement wall that all ideas and words are either blocked in by or smacked into. The few that managed to climb over are beaten, sickly, and need time to recover.
I've read several articles on how to beat writers block. Some of the ideas work for me, others do not. But in order to be helpful, I'll list some that I recommend to my fellow writers.
  1. Listen to a song to find inspiration. - This works for me....rarely. Most of the time I can't flip through songs to find inspiration. I have to get it stuck annoyingly into my brain for half the day until I put it on paper in order to remove it from my brain.
  2. Read/watch the news. - If you like to write about current events, you probably already do this. If not, you shouldn't be writing about current events.
  3. Read in general. - Seriously. Some of my best idea's bounce off of something that someone else wrote. Call it idea stealing if you will...but it works.
  4. Talk to someone else about your half-formed idea. - If you've got an idea started but you don't know where to go with it, tell someone about it. They'll probably have an opinion, and whether you use it or not, that'll probably bring up more opinions of your own.
  5. Make a list of potential ideas. - I do this all the time. In fact, that's how this blog started. My list went like this: (warning - I might use these topics later....if I feel like it)
  • inspiring people
  • neopets (seriously.)
  • teen depression and why the hell it's so common nowadays
  • being lazy
  • my lack of a car and why buses in omaha suck
  • a wish for summer
  • why I can't have video games in my dorm
  • writer's block (*winner!*)
Since I am a lazy bum, and because it's you who actually reads this crap, I'm gonna ask for your help with my writers block. Give me a topic. I don't care whether it's something useful like "tips on how to beat procrastination" or something as random as "why ninja's are ultimately better than pirates". The best topic presented will be the next thing I write about. So come up with something fun/interesting/random/angry. I'll take it and rant. Good luck!