I adore performing. Really, I do. In fact, that's mostly ALL I do. Performing in an orchestra? Not a problem. Playing with a small ensemble? Not a problem. Being the lead in A Midsummer's Night's Dream? Fun times. I have made speeches in front of hundreds, done skits in front of a sold out show, and played my flute in more concerts than I can count.
But soloing?
Soloing is an issue. I don't know what it is about playing my flute in front of an audience that gets me so nervous, but somehow its a completely different experience.
First, my knees start to shake.
Then my hands sweat.
And finally my lip starts to shake and all hope is lost. (You can't really play an instrument that requires sitting on your lip if its shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.)
Most of the time, I can feel when any of these things start to happen. I might look into the audience, or stop focusing on the music and think about my embouchure (aka - the weird way my lips are shaped) and then all the weird shaky craziness commences.
So somehow, in the middle of my performance, I have to do a couple of things. If you do something else, let me know, because I need all the help I can get.
1. Start slow. I have a habit of rushing the beginning when I'm nervous, and when I realize that halfway through the piece, things start breaking down and I end up missing notes.
2. Take a deep breath. Even if it means taking an awkwardly long pause. Because believe it or not, that awkwardly long pause NEVER seems awkwardly long when I listen to the recording.
3. Focus Focus Focus. Whether on the sheet music or my air flow, I can't let myself get distracted. Being a space cadet, this is damn difficult.
4. Realize that its really not that important whether I get the 16th note run perfect, or if I get that uber high note to sound just right. As long as I play as musically as I can, I've done my job.
So here's to breaking a leg, not having a seizure, and having a good time.
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